Diagnosis: Root Disease

Today, May 19, 2019, is world IBD Day. IBD stands for inflammatory bowel disease. I was recently diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease, which is considered an IBD. I had been having issues with my stomach for quite some time, and I would blow them off because I have had stomach issues basically since birth. Things got to a point where it was very obvious something else was going on. My primary doctor sent me to a digestive specialist and after a series of tests, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. I was devastated when I woke up from the anesthesia and they told me. I told them before they put me under that I hoped they found something wrong because it would at least explain why I was having so many issues, but I certainly did not want it to be that. The specialist immediately mentioned surgery, which was later taken off the table thank God, she linked me with a couple of support groups and gave me tips on some changes I could make in diet that may help. I told people closest to me about the diagnosis and then I began working on finding my new life normal. My medication was $100 for a one month supply. I complained about the cost until I saw that my insurance saved me $1389 each month!!! After the first month of "treatment" I was in extreme pain daily, and it seemed like I could not eat anything. The foods I loved were suddenly off the table. I was in a perpetual state of fatigue and exhaustion, and my moods were up and down. I was definitely getting worse instead of better. I told the specialist, and after running a couple more tests, she determined that I was having a bad reaction to the medication. I have been off of it for a few weeks now, and while I am certainly not feeling “normal” I definitely do not feel as bad as I did when I was on the medication. My church has really been focusing on prayer, specifically prayer as a precursor to miracles, in recent months. Healing of my body would certainly be a miracle since there is no cure for this disease, only the hope of remission. I have been attending our prayer services and there are times when even that has proven a struggle because my stomach was in complete shambles while trying to pray! Guess what I did not do ANY of the times I was at prayer service? Pray for healing over my own body. But why?

Attention!

This disease has given me something I have never really felt I had before. Attention coupled with genuine concern from others. For the first time I felt like people cared about me. People were checking in on me, asking about my appointments, offering their assistance, and just being extremely kind. For as far back as I can remember, I have always felt like an option and people who claimed to love me only did so out of obligation or to get something from me. Never anyone’s number one or first choice. So to finally feel this was amazing to me. I KNOW God to be a healer from past personal experience. I fully believe that He can miraculously heal my body from what the doctors say is incurable. But, if He did that, I would go back to being an option, or loved out of obligation or need. Right? So I prayed for everything BUT my healing. I am not 100% sure how God got me to this point of self realization, but when He did it was one of the biggest wake up calls I have ever had. Is my diagnosis real? Yes. Am I really in serious pain most days? Yes. Have I had to completely alter my diet? Yes. So those are some of the facts of my situation. But, those facts don’t negate God’s truth. His truth is that He IS a healer! The problem was that unfortunately, my intentions were attention. Meaning what? This disease affords me the opportunity to go to God with HIS truth. “Lord I know you to be a healer. You have done this in my life before and I know you can do it again. You said by your stripes I am healed…” And the prayer could go on. But I did not approach God with the intention of His healing power. I actually did not approach Him at all. Instead I accepted this diagnosis and rested in the attention it brought. So what now?

Get whole!

I cannot deny the fact that there is an issue greater than Crohn’s Disease in my life. There are clearly some things that have set up residence in my life that need to be dealt with. Why do I need attention from others? Why do I just accept all types of sickness in my life? Why am I actually afraid to be healthy and whole? Those answers may find their way into a future blog post (stay tuned), but for now I end with the questions. It is time to truly seek God and find the answers to these. If I can get to the root of these issues, then I can understand why I am producing the fruit of sickness and attention seeking. I am sharing this particular disease with you today because it is awareness day, but there are other areas in my life where I have seen, or currently see these same fruits being produced. There have been other physical illnesses, mental illnesses, attention seeking from men, and many more issues over the years. These all stem from the same root. I choose to find the root and kill it. I will no longer accept the poison I see being produced in my life.

We read the story of the woman with the issue of blood today in church (Mark 5:25-34). It is a story I have read more times than I can recall, and I have always thought I identified with her. I could always find some very real sickness in my body to say I was dealing with. But today, I realized how wrong I was. I may have identified with her health problem, but I certainly did not identify with her faith, or even her desire to be whole. I have been debating for a week about writing this because it required a level of transparency I did not think I had reached yet, and then today’s sermon confirmed that I should, but I STILL hesitated. Then, I read a meme a friend reposted on Facebook. It said “some people don’t want to be fixed because being broken gets them attention.” That is me. I am some people. But today I choose not to identify with that anymore.

So, unlike most peoples diet and workout plans, this work does not start tomorrow, or next week, or January 1. The work of finding and killing my poisonous root begins today. I challenge you to really take a look at the fruit of your own life. What are you producing? If you find there is poison on your tree, find your root and kill it! If you find that you’ve already done this, then help someone else find and kill theirs. Share your testimony and pray for and with them. We are called to be the light. It’s time to start shining in these dark places.

The New Goal is Diagnosis: Wholeness!