Oh, So You're Just a Liar Huh?
“I say I'm fine, yeah I'm fine oh I'm fine, hey I'm fine but I'm not
I'm broken
And when it's out of control I say it's under control but it's not
And you know it
I don't know why it's so hard to admit it
When being honest is the only way to fix it
There's no failure, no fall
There's no sin you don't already know
So let the truth be told” (Truth Be Told, by Matthew West)
I have not been able to let this song go since the very first time I heard it on the radio. At first I just enjoyed when it came on, but the more I heard it, the more it hit my heart. I could have written these words myself. I literally just got done sending a Marco Polo video to a friend of mine, and I was telling her about some things I am currently going through. I could have stopped there. I could have kept it honest and just asked her to pray with me. But I didn’t. Instead, I cried and shared just to turn around and dry my tears and say “it’s cool though. I’ve got it.” NO I DON”T!!! That’s a whole lie. I don’t “got” anything at the moment. Sis is a mess over here. Period.
Everyone on this Earth has told a lie in their lifetime, so I am not special in that aspect. But, as I have grown up in age and in Christ, I have seriously become proud of how honest I am. I sometimes need to do better with the delivery of that honesty, but I don’t find myself having to keep up with information so that I can keep my lies together. That’s great right? Go me! Well, go me until I realize I am actually still a big liar. Like, I rarely go a single day without lying. Lying has become my practice. How did we go from proud of my honesty to being a whole liar? Because I say I am fine, every day. I say things are under control every day. But truth be told, that’s not true every day.
So why lie? There are two possible answers. Let me just warn you, one involves more lies.
- I say I am ok because I have to be. I have to prove that I have it all together. I have to prove that I can do it all. I have to prove that I am keeping up with everyone else around me because they all have it together. I cannot show weakness or people will take advantage of me. I have said I am ok for so long that I cannot suddenly say I am not. I have proven I can hold it down for so long that I cannot suddenly say I need help. I don’t want people in my business. I cannot count on anyone but myself. To tell the truth would be embarrassing. No one actually cares.
- I say I am ok because I have too much pride. I say I am ok because I trust myself, not God. I say I am ok because I do not believe God can use other people. I say I am ok because I believe God can do it for other people, but not for me. I say I am ok because I think I know the direction my life should go better than God does. I say I am ok because I see vulnerability as a bad thing. I say I am ok because to say I am not would mean giving up the control I think I have.
Which answer do you think my lying self chose to subscribe to? Definitely number one. I have practically made those statements a daily mantra. If that is what I am telling myself throughout each day, it is no wonder I am living a lie. Something my friend said to me during her Marco Polo response really hit me. She said, “You do not have to do this by yourself. I don’t just mean that God is here for you, other people are too.” It hit me because for the last three years my Pastor and best friend have been saying those same words to me and trying to get me to embrace the support God has made available to me. I have said I believe them and I see I have support, but was that the truth?
Of course not. I have learned to recognize that my trust/belief is very situational. I believe you support me or are here for me in the moment or situation you provide me with evidence that you do, but that’s it. It does not carry over. And now comes the revelation. My trust/belief in God is also situational. SAY WHAT! Yea, my track record shows that I believed God was a provider that one time he paid a bill for me, but the next time I was in need, I immediately began wondering what I was going to do. I believed God was a healer after that one time he healed my body of cancer, but the next time I got sick and the doctors were confused, I wondered what I was going to do. I believed God was a comforter that one time my marriage ended and He held me through it all, but the next time I felt my heart break, I immediately began wondering how I would make it through. Are you seeing the theme here?
I am, and I don’t like it. I think about how I feel when I tell someone I have their back or that I will do something for them and even though I have proven those things to be true, they still don’t believe me. That hurts!!! So, why am I doing that to other people? More importantly, why am I doing that to God? What has he done to make me call Him a liar? FYI, no need to guess, the answer is nothing. FYI number two, yes it scares me to admit that I basically have been calling God a liar most of my adult life. Thank God for mercy! Sheesh!!!
So, how do I stop being a liar? How do I stop treating God and the people He has placed in my life as liars? When my friend responded to my Marco Polo, she asked me a question and said be honest. I came back and told her I was being as honest as I could. I told her I could NEVER see myself opening my mouth and saying to someone, “hey, I need help with this.” It’s just not what I do. And that ladies and gentlemen is the problem. It's not what “I” would do. Doing what I would do has left me a broken, lying mess. I am alone when I do not have to be. I am struggling when I do not have to be. I am hurting when I do not have to be. I am overwhelmed when I do not have to be. Well, the song says, “being honest is the only way to fix it.”
Be honest with whom? This is where the first step in answering, how do I stop, comes in. People, saved and unsaved, like to quote, “and the truth shall set you free.” We have heard it quoted in secular movies, like Liar Liar (how apropos), but it is absolutely biblical. This isn’t a sermon, but you can read John 8 just to verify I am not making it up lol. Here is where it gets super uncomfortable for me. This statement has nothing to do with me opening up my mouth and saying “true” words to set me free. But it has everything to do with me opening up my heart and genuinely KNOWING and BELIEVING Jesus Christ and not just reading, but LIVING His word. It is through that word that I learn He IS truth, and when I come to know Him, I am set free. THEN I open up my mouth and say “true” words.
So, let’s put it all together and make it make sense. I don’t trust people. I don’t trust God. I think I know everything. I refuse to ask for help even though I need it. And I lie when anyone asks. I am a professed born again Christian, which should mean I make it my practice to walk and talk like Christ, but I lie as a practice. So something doesn’t add up. It is so easy for us to categorize and rank sin. Even lies. Ever heard of the “little white lie”? That’s not a thing people. If it is not pleasing to God, it is sin. Period. Therefore, my “I’m ok” when I’m not lies are STILL sin. My choosing to tell that lie on a regular basis does make me a liar. That’s a tough pill to swallow because it seems so insignificant. But how must God feel when He sends one of His people to me in HIS name and I tell that “little” lie in their face? How must it feel for Him to say He has my whole life in His hands and will take care of me, and I push Him away saying I got it, and then turn around and make a mess of everything and have the nerve to blame Him! Good grief! This might be too much sharing y’all. I am just exposing to everyone how bad I have mistreated the Creator and Savior of the world. *imagine the face palm emoji here*
Yea, I am exposed now, but John 8 is about to help me walk right on into honesty today! I cannot walk like Christ because I’ve been too busy trying to walk like me. So right now, literally in this moment, I have to stop playing and surrender my will. Y’all, ya girl is a legit control freak. But, if I want to come up out of this mess, I have to let go. Then, I have to change my inputs. I am up under some GOOD and SOUND biblical teaching. But what good does that teaching do if I leave it in the sanctuary (or on the Zoom)? How can I KNOW how to live Christ if He is not the dominant input in my life? Don’t walk away thinking I am anti entertainment, like music and TV, etc. I love me a good old school R&B jam, HGTV has me convinced I am a licensed contractor, and Food Network has me thinking I am a Holiday Baking Champion! I won’t tell you what my True Crime TV obsession has me thinking. But, in all seriousness, am I feeding my soul house renovating knowledge more than I am feeding it the word of God? Can I walk you through how to make a chocolate ganache better than I can walk you through the prayer of salvation? What you put in is what comes out, period. That applies physically and spiritually. If I am constantly telling myself I can do everything on my own, I am essentially saying I don’t need God. Friends, trust me, that’s fake news, I definitely need God!
So I guess I have my next steps to stop being a liar. Surrender my will and change my dominant inputs. That’s not where the work ends, but it is certainly a great beginning. Knowing the truth is what is going to help me start telling the truth. I do not think I need to tell every person who says “how are you,” the details of my personal life. But, when I am in Christ, I have discernment to help me know who He is sending to check on me, and who is just nosey. I know when to share and when to politely just say, “I’m trusting Gods plan, thanks for asking.”
Writing this may have been harder than anything else I have ever shared here in the past. Why? Because there are so many things I am supposed to be, and so many different ways people see me, and this absolutely changes things. This is a different level of exposure. But I said it before, wholeness and holiness is the goal. Oh, y’all thought I forgot? Nope. That journey continues. This is all connected. In every stretch of this journey God reveals something else to me that I need to get right. I asked Him to make me whole, so while some of these moments may hurt, they are absolutely necessary if I want to get to another day of sunshine.
I can’t shine in darkness if I am choosing to embrace the darkness. So let the truth be told…