The Breakup

My love,

I never thought this day would actually come. You’ve been a part of my life for so long that it already seems like forever. I was so young when we met, but from the first time you said hello, I just felt like we were meant to be. You were my best friend and first love. I shared everything with you, and you never left my side. Everyone could see that we were inseparable. There’s not a major moment in my life that I can say you missed. You were there when I wrote and read my first poem; when I sang my first solo; when I started a new school; graduation; college; when I had my child; when I preached my first sermon... and that’s not even scratching the surface. You’ve always been there.

There have been so many nights that I turned to you for comfort. You always wrapped me in your arms, held me close, and whispered in my ear until I rested in your words. I believed everything you said.

When I was afraid, you were there. When I felt unloved, you were there. When I wanted to die, you were there. Even when I felt alone, you were right there. You refused to leave my side.

I didn’t see a problem at all. I never felt so loved. But then I met someone, and he began to pursue a relationship with me. You told me you didn’t care because you knew I was yours forever. But when he started showing me how toxic you were to me, and I started seeing some truth in his words, you became angry, aggressive, and controlling. You convinced me he was wrong and just out to get me. So, I argued with him and defended you. I even tried to walk away from him, but he was even more relentless than you, and continued to pursue me. He was not angry, aggressive, or controlling in his approach like you were. He very sweetly and gently showed me how I missed out on things I loved because the words you whispered, which I believed, were actually lies. He showed me that I felt alone because you isolated me from everyone with more lies. He even showed me how my previous marriage and all subsequent relationships were already doomed to fail because of my continued affair with you. He said you didn’t love me at all, and that you only said and did what was necessary to secretly and silently kill me. You almost succeeded. But, to quote one of my favorite songs, “almost doesn’t count.”

So, this is goodbye.

I found someone else, and I’m letting you go. He has shown me real love, and I can no longer settle for the lies you have dealt me for so long.

I know you think I’ll be back, but the relationship I have with him is real. He and I are one now. So to you, my dear insecurities, I say goodbye. We are done. Forever.

~Roni

Authors Note: It seems silly to talk about my insecurities as if they were a boyfriend, but that's the reality of how deeply mine were rooted. They were closer to me than anyone, and I had developed a deep relationship with them. Like I said, we were inseparable and they were always there for me. Thank God I'm learning better and breaking free!

See you next time!